Thursday, January 24, 2013

So I did this thing

Last night I broke a 15 month streak. I had a full-on panic attack. I went to my run camp orientation and the waiting freaked me right out. I left in a good place, though. Their goals for all of us align with what I want and I'll make some new friends to boot.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Messes with My Mind!

Anyone else an Pinterest-a-holic? I find myself feeling the pull. I actually unfollowed most of the people I was following because I was getting sick of seeing the same recipes and diy stuff that aren't really my bag so I find myself looking at the "Everything" tab.

Before I go on, I need to say that fashion mags have never been and still aren't really my thing.  And I guess I have been in my own little burrow feeling outraged at the "Media" and their promotion of poor body image, etc. without actually viewing it. Because I wasn't looking at Vogue or Elle or... , having the airbrushed models in my eyeballs, I didn't get the damage it can cause having those unrealistic expectations in your eyeballs and into your brain.

Until I started Pinteresting. All the "Thinspirition" photos of skinny girls talking about how great it is to be skinny. I look and feel jealous! I can't even explain it. I haven't ever really felt thin or loved the body I'm in but now I'm green with envy. I want to look like these girls. At any cost. It's completely crazy! I don't even get it. While I'm not entirely in love with my body, I'm relatively confidant about myself most days. Especially when I love my outfit. I can see how young people can't filter out the messages and resort to eating disorders. I'm a "grown-up" and I can hardly do it. I'm trying to process it and spin it positively but, while I am doing healthy things, I am more filled with self-hate than I ever have been.

My greatest efforts have been to keep things positive in my life and to embrace whatever comes my way. I'll continue to waste time on Pintrest ('cause that's how I roll) only I'll filter what I look at better while at the same time seeking out positive stuff.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

What have I done?

I signed up for a run camp. I can't even run for 3 minutes straight. I am going to make an ass out of myself.