My Big Why

Look how cute I am.

This post has been sitting here, unpublished, for years. It was full of self-hate in the disguise of "backstory". Forget that. DELETE. It's time for moving forward. Shit happens (and happened) and I have only myself and my future to own.

I wake up every day in my body and with my mind. I start my day with no confidence from the first few moments and I’m sick and tired of it! I don’t want my daughter growing up having poor fitness and eating habits modeled after me or my son's continued embarrassment of me. And hell, I want to be able to see them get married – and not only have energy for them, but pfor my (far in the future) grandkids too!



I'm fat but feel pretty awesome about myself even though I don't....

Kindness of Strangers

When the first thought of running popped into my head, I immediately dismissed the thought. I knew that I would be laughed at and ridiculed. After all, isn't that what happened all through school? (Wow - Let's put a pin in this for later!)

As that seed germinated in my head, I found many of my friends and neighbors were already runners. These were people I very much trust. When I quietly mentioned that I was thinking of running, I felt overwhelming support, so I joined my run camp and started running. Going to camp each week, meeting with my team, has brought such joy to the whole endeavor. I expect to be encouraged and respected for what I do when I am there.

Now I take mid-week runs along a popular running path near my house. Living in a college town, I see lots of twenty-somethings flying along my path and I don't really expect those same warm-fuzzies from the students. When I cross paths with (more like, get passed by) female runners, I get a smile or a nod. What really made my day yesterday was when I crossed paths with some young men. They both smiled and nodded and gave me a thumbs up. It felt really good to get that validation.

Say Yes

All too often, I won't be in any kind of mood to do much of anything. So I sit at the computer or in front of the TV and do nothing. The house is a mess, the kids want to do something and there I sit. It's a vicious cycle. I know that the necessities won't take much time and I know that I'll feel that much better if I just do it. I love to hang out with my kids. (They are awesome!) And I just don't. I need to find the joy in life, in the little things. To say Yes more. Yes, I'll go swimming with you. Yes, I'll play a game.