Making it Memorable

Where do I even start? I've completed my second Run Camp and ran my first 10K and it seems like a good time for reflection. There's so much bouncing around in my head. I need to start somewhere!

The idea of running has been bouncing around in my head since high school but I didn't think I could do it. I had so many terrible elementary school gym teachers that emphasized sports over fitness and I have to say it wasn't one isolated town: I went to school in seven different states during those years. We weren't a sporty or active family. I was never taught to love exercise. Add to that many years of happy marriage, work stress, and a couple of kids and I find myself very out of shape and overweight. I needed to do something.

Running started to pop up everywhere. Bloggers, friends, neighbors: everyone was running. In the fall of 2012, I downloaded a Couch to 5k app and started taking walk/runs. I'd do it after the sun went down so no one could see me. But then I started talking about it and I heard about Run Camp. Some very good friends talked me into signing up. At the orientation meeting, I had a full-on anxiety attack. I was sweating, my heart was racing, I couldn't breathe. I was a mess but I got some good shoes and went to the first official meeting. I was placed into a fabulous team and now I'm a runner. After 3 months of early, snowy Saturday mornings I ran every last step of my first 5K. It was an amazing experience and I'm still running!

Kindness of Strangers

When the first thought of running popped into my head, I immediately dismissed the thought. I knew that I would be laughed at and ridiculed. After all, isn't that what happened all through school? (Wow - Let's put a pin in this for later!)

As that seed germinated in my head, I found many of my friends and neighbors were already runners. These were people I very much trust. When I quietly mentioned that I was thinking of running, I felt overwhelming support, so I joined my run camp and started running. Going to camp each week, meeting with my team, has brought such joy to the whole endeavor. I expect to be encouraged and respected for what I do when I am there.

Now I take mid-week runs along a popular running path near my house. Living in a college town, I see lots of twenty-somethings flying along my path and I don't really expect those same warm-fuzzies from the students. When I cross paths with (more like, get passed by) female runners, I get a smile or a nod. What really made my day yesterday was when I crossed paths with some young men. They both smiled and nodded and gave me a thumbs up. It felt really good to get that validation.

I feel AMAZING!

What an amazing run! I am feeling better and went to run camp and just had an incredible run.

The plan was for half of the group to run 5 and walk 1 and the other half to run 2 and walk 1. I started with the 2/1-ers and planned to stick with them. I had my headphones on listening to Not Blood, Paint and couldn't hear Karen's prompts to run or walk so I just went with my C25K app. Next thing I know, I don't see any of the blue group in front of me. I turned around to find everyone from my group behind me. I didn't know what to do but everyone shouted out, "Keep going!"

I kept going at my pace and felt really great. I pushed my self but didn't exhaust myself. I really felt amazing. I ran/walked a little over 2 miles in a little over 30 minutes.

I have to say, I get it now. I know why people are so passionate about running.

Messes with My Mind!

Anyone else an Pinterest-a-holic? I find myself feeling the pull. I actually unfollowed most of the people I was following because I was getting sick of seeing the same recipes and diy stuff that aren't really my bag so I find myself looking at the "Everything" tab.

Before I go on, I need to say that fashion mags have never been and still aren't really my thing.  And I guess I have been in my own little burrow feeling outraged at the "Media" and their promotion of poor body image, etc. without actually viewing it. Because I wasn't looking at Vogue or Elle or... , having the airbrushed models in my eyeballs, I didn't get the damage it can cause having those unrealistic expectations in your eyeballs and into your brain.

Until I started Pinteresting. All the "Thinspirition" photos of skinny girls talking about how great it is to be skinny. I look and feel jealous! I can't even explain it. I haven't ever really felt thin or loved the body I'm in but now I'm green with envy. I want to look like these girls. At any cost. It's completely crazy! I don't even get it. While I'm not entirely in love with my body, I'm relatively confidant about myself most days. Especially when I love my outfit. I can see how young people can't filter out the messages and resort to eating disorders. I'm a "grown-up" and I can hardly do it. I'm trying to process it and spin it positively but, while I am doing healthy things, I am more filled with self-hate than I ever have been.

My greatest efforts have been to keep things positive in my life and to embrace whatever comes my way. I'll continue to waste time on Pintrest ('cause that's how I roll) only I'll filter what I look at better while at the same time seeking out positive stuff.

get healthy

Me, 5 years and 40 pounds ago.

Who am I kidding, I want to lose weight. That's not a popular thing to say. Thing is, I completely agree with health at every size movement and fat acceptance but I can't assimilate it into my "self". I feel so bad about my self lately. Clothes don't fit. My chins are rapidly doubling and tripling. I am not healthy.

After vacationing I vowed to eat the right things and I did great for the week. Then I went out of town and was stuck with vacation food again. I felt awful. Pukey, constipated (sorry) and generally crappy. Back to good foods for me! Fruit and salads! Exercise!