Step by Step

I am tying to journal and this is the place to do it! I just don't really think I have done anything worth writing about. My mind is always churning thinking of self-helpy things; Of goals to make and achieve. And when I am in a position to put it down, I don't' have anything to say. So, boring.

I really want to get fit and run a 5k. It is always in my thoughts but I'm afraid to be embarrassed by actually running. In public. Where my neighbors can see me. Which is so silly since I have awesome neighbors who would be nothing but supportive of me. I also know that running isn't the only thing do do to get fit. I have DVDs, there are exercise videos on Netflix and on Sparkpeople. I just need to do it! One step at a time.

get healthy

Me, 5 years and 40 pounds ago.

Who am I kidding, I want to lose weight. That's not a popular thing to say. Thing is, I completely agree with health at every size movement and fat acceptance but I can't assimilate it into my "self". I feel so bad about my self lately. Clothes don't fit. My chins are rapidly doubling and tripling. I am not healthy.

After vacationing I vowed to eat the right things and I did great for the week. Then I went out of town and was stuck with vacation food again. I felt awful. Pukey, constipated (sorry) and generally crappy. Back to good foods for me! Fruit and salads! Exercise!

Wheaton's Law

Memorial Day weekend, 1988. I had just graduated from High School. My parents were out of town. I was watching Wil Wheaton on Star Trek: TNG. A friend called inviting me to to the beach. That evening at the beach (oddly enough) was a pivotal event for me. It will always be mixed up in my head creating a big part of my personal story.

Fast forward a couple of decades and I see Wil's Blog. I wasn't one of the Wesley Crusher Haters. I thought it was awesome to have someone my age, someone like me, on the bridge of the Enterprise.  I started internet stalk him. I read his blog, twitter, tumblr... He was always positive. He promoted being nice. Then I read this article and was inspired. I have so many thoughts and it has all been bouncing around in my head for weeks and have been trying to live my life with kindness in mind. Making me a better person.

And then I saw this. So, here is my braindump.

Happy Birthday, Wil! You'll never see this but it's out there. Thank you for being on TNG, for being the catalyst for all those happy memories of that summer, for being so open and available on the innerwebs, for Wheaton's Law and for being awesome.

Stitch by Stitch

Today on Yarn Harlot, Stephanie Pearl-McPhee explains how knitters are different people with different thought processes. How it only takes one small action to create something larger. I knit and so I get it. I've knit socks and beautiful lace shawls just with simple knots and purls. What I'm working on is applying that to my life. Small steps: think positive thoughts, go for a walk, pick that stuff up now.

Today I will go for a walk. I will eat right. I will take those baby steps that add up to a marathon.

Sigh...

Ending a vacation is both a relief and a let-down.

Homeward Bound

I'm sitting on the deck on the ocean on my last night of vacation. Th most stunning sunset I have ever see is just about over and I'm feeling a little sad and a lot happy to be here. I'm so glad to share so much of Massachussets with the kids. We had such a great time. I have always loved the ocean. The sound of the waves is so relaxing. I'm loving sitting here listening to the musician at the bar and waves. I can't believe it's over tomorrow!

Say Yes

All too often, I won't be in any kind of mood to do much of anything. So I sit at the computer or in front of the TV and do nothing. The house is a mess, the kids want to do something and there I sit. It's a vicious cycle. I know that the necessities won't take much time and I know that I'll feel that much better if I just do it. I love to hang out with my kids. (They are awesome!) And I just don't. I need to find the joy in life, in the little things. To say Yes more. Yes, I'll go swimming with you. Yes, I'll play a game.